when a child’s innocence is lost
the whole world is condemned
in his broken heart
the past is blurred
and reduced to the ashes of a lost haven
the present is branded with infamy
the future is pondered in despair
and the fear born of speculation
is an adequate path to forfeit life
“A ring around my roses
I had a pocket full of doses
Ashes to ashes
I wanted to fall down”
“twinkle twinkle little star
I cry because you are so far
Why are you so high up in the sky
Why not come down here to make me die
You are only a little shining spot
I wish you were big and hot
So this world would burn and rot”
ETC.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
I hate to be repetitive but the use of the nursery rhymes in this poem was really great. Also, i feel the subject is something most people can relate too. I think everyone misses childhood, and the innocence that came along with it. Great poem. Great use of the words. I guess pretty much all i can say is that i really liked it.
As the others said, you did an excelent job with turning the nursery rhymes from something sweet into something dark. I liked the way the first part was mature in it's condemning of the world but the nursery rhymes still held the childish feeling. Great writing!
Wow! You use a lot of really cool words! Your title drew me in. I was instantly hooked, starting at line one.
If you were to punctuate this, especially at the songs at the end, it would read more smoothly. Punctuation can add so much to a poem. Really, don't feel like you have to have none at all for it to be good. If you punctuate, it shows the reader more of your intention.
I think it's interesting what you did with the songs, but I actually like it better without them. Your poem is really strong, and I think the songs distract and detract from its power.
Thanks for posting this! It was a pleasure to read.
Sad. True. Amazing. Gold star.
Like Knightlyangel09 said this was very impactful and the changing of the nursery rythmes was amazing awesome job!!!
This was great. Your beginning catches attention at once. You used your wrods perfectly too. The way you altered nursery rhymes into cries of despair was really strong. It really felt like the cries of children. Over all, very effective delivery. Great impact.